Happy Birthday To Me!

Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!

"Birthday" by The Beatles
They say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you ....... and me too!

"Happy Birthday" by Stevie Wonder (with some minor word altering)
You know it doesn't make much sense
There ought to be a law against
Anyone who takes offense
At a day in my celebration
Cause we all know in our minds
That there ought to be a time
That we can set aside
To show just how much you love me
And I'm sure you would agree
It couldn't fit more perfectly
Than to have a world party on the day I came to be
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday

Are you sensing a theme to this post?   Hey, when you get your own blog then you can do self centered stuff like this too! Today ..... it's all about ME!  Yay!

Faith

One definition of the word faith is: The confident belief or trust in a person, idea or thing.

I use the word faith a lot in my blogs. I imagine it can mean different things to different people. You don't have to belong to any church or religion to have faith. I always had faith, even when I was not part of a church. And this time now, is probably the strongest faith that I've ever experienced and it's compiled of many things. One aspect of my faith is my religious belief. I was born and raised Catholic. I respectfully removed myself from the church process most of my adult life and then later on, I just didn't have the energy or emotional stamina to hunt down a new Catholic church that would make me feel comfortable being in it, as a gay person. One day, I randomly asked Sue if she wanted to go to church? She said yes rather quickly. It seemed we both were in need of a church visit. At a friends recommendation we visited St. Mark's Episcopal church. I still identify as Catholic but Episcopalians are as close as you're gonna get to that. It was a very warm and welcoming place to .... just be. We quickly became part of St. Mark's small but diverse family.  There are old people, young people, mixed race families, adopted families, gay couples, straight people and even a gay Pastor (although she has since moved out of state). Sue and I had always felt comfortable holding hands, giving a kiss for the "peace be with you" part, and publicly being a couple in church. We liked that feeling.  We attended marriage courses with Rev. Canon Linda. She performed the blessing of our marriage at the beach.  (We were already legally married with the state of California and we got written permission from the Bishop to have our marriage blessed by the church.) What a nice feeling it is to have your faith present and supportive at a time like that. And when Sue was going into surgery, Pastor Kate came to bless her and pray with us.  Canon Linda brought her a hand made prayer shall during Sue's first hospital stay.  And eventually, they performed last rites and the memorial service.  When you go through events like that with someone, you become very .....bonded. You've shared your most private and personal moments with them. I continue to have the support of St. Mark's community. I appreciate knowing that they are there for me. It's that community that helps feed my faith. I also have faith in the people and love and support around me. I have faith in an Almighty power that's bigger than me. I have faith in myself. I don't know how this faith thing works, but it does. I don't know the exact chain of command or route it follows.  Somehow, my faith and belief that everything is going to be fine .... makes it turn out fine. I just have faith, in faith itself. I let go and let faith take over. It works for me.

Some friends of mine bought me a rose bush in Sue's memory and I donated it to St. Mark's because it was a place that gave Sue lots of joy. (see photo above) It's planted right next to the preschool playground which is a most appropriate place.  Another piece of Sue out there, enjoying the sounds of children. It's called a Firefighter Hybrid Tea Rose and it produces a dark red rose that is so aromatic, I think I can smell it from my house. Here is it's proper description: A big super-fragrant long-stemmed rich-red Hybrid Tea is the epitome of the classic rose in many people’s minds.  That’s why there could be no better choice for the first sponsorship rose of the ‘Remember Me’ garden fund.  Each plant sold will contribute toward the fund’s effort to honor the victims of 9-11.  You’ll love the vigorous bushy plant that provides armloads of buxom blossoms.  Lots of clean green leaves keep it looking good in the garden, too.

Ahhhhh!

I ran away from home for a while today and headed to the beach. More amazing, short sleeve wearing, weather! I won't bore you with duplicate details from my last beach experience, I'll just tell you what was different with today's trip.  I took the binoculars with me today but unfortunately there were no whale or dolphin to spot.  I did get to enjoy a pod of seal traveling by and some very playful otter. A truly beautiful and majestic day! I met a stranger, who then was no longer a stranger, and he, Noey, took my picture for me to post (see above). I once again came away being relaxed and refreshed as only the ocean can do. I had a great Mexican food lunch at The Whole Enchilada just before the beach.  I always order the same thing there so, if I get one of the regular waitresses, I don't even need to order out loud ... they already know what I want.... yummy cheese enchiladas with rice & beans and the chips & salsa are the best! And guess what? I get Mexican food again tonight as I'm meeting with my posse (close friends & family) for dinner tonight.  I can do this all week but maybe I'll get the chicken tacos tonight to change things up a bit. I promise to get to church tomorrow (and now that it's written, so it shall be done) because mass will end well before the first playoff game starts! Sad but true ... I have to squeeze in church during football season.  My Pittsburgh Steelers are 1 of 4 teams left and if we beat the Jets tomorrow then we go to another Superbowl!!!!! Yay!! I have friends coming over to watch the game with me but the excitement level can makes things a bit scary.  For example, last weekend we won at the last minute, as usual ... boy this team is a heart-attack waiting to happen, and both myself and a friend of mine leaped from my coach at the same time and she was swinging her arms back in jubilation just as I was lunging forward and WHACK!  The back of her arm smacked me across the face. I do recall seeing some stars and just think what she might have done to me if she was rooting for the opposing team? My glasses are still a bit misaligned but the mark on my nose is hardly noticeable now. Ahhhh.... good times!  Anyway, wish me luck, both physically and with my team too.  GO STEELERS!!  This is all part of that self-pampering stuff I was telling you about before, believe it or not.  The "feel good" stuff. Good food, football & friends, my ocean fix, the hour long deep tissue massage I had last weekend and yes, even the tattoo - are all self-pampering for me. I'm taking care of myself .... my way.  What about you?  You can't be much good for anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. Just do it! You'll thank yourself later :)

Counter Measures



Sue with Enrique.



Sue with her dolphin friend.

The Wound V.A.C. was countered by driving through Vasona Park to see all of the holiday lights!

Chemotherapy was countered with a trip to Valencia, Spain!

The Nasogastric Tube was countered with Blake's middle school graduation!

Jejunstomy Tube was countered with Nataly's high school graduation!


The Infusion Port was countered by meeting Enrique Iglesias!

The Ostomy Bag was countered by playing with dolphins in Mexico!

The P.I.C.C. Line feeding was countered with an endless supply of Popsicles!

Morphine Mind Games were countered with 4th of July fireworks fun!

Cancer was countered with quality family time and many memory making moments!

We encountered many speed bumps, road blocks, pot holes and detour signs on our way, but at the end of each day's journey, we always reached our destination ...... LOVE!


** Thank you Dr. Martin Luther King! **

Tell Her

Tell her that I miss her, but I'm doing fine.
Tell her that her kids are great,
Finding their way on paths that she laid.
Tell her that I've figured things out on my own.
Can she see how much I've grown?
Let her know that I listened
To her messages in the dark
And she still holds a place in my heart.
Remind her to find me because that was our deal
And what she thought would be over .... it's not.
Anything else, I'll tell her myself
Though I'm sure she already knows.

Tattoo, or not tattoo: that is the question.

Tattoos aren't for everyone. Then again, children aren't for everyone either. Well, today I am the proud parent of a new tattoo! It's my fourth, and just like my own children, they are very different and very special in their own way. Like I mentioned in a previous post, it is a phoenix.....yep, that's it in the above photo. It now lives forever on my arm. It is an early birthday present for myself. (My mother is going to kill me!) I put a lot of thought into this (mom) and I had searched for months for just the right image. It's important to me because I want, and need, that visual reminder of my own strength.  To many, myself included, a phoenix represents a new beginning, that no matter how bad (hot) things may get, I will get back up on my feet and rise out of the ashes. We all have strength and resilience, I just chose to display mine differently. I'm very pleased with it and I must give a shout out to DaWei Tattoo in Santa Clara. DaWei was almost as excited about it as I was! The passion for his work and talent showed all over him and now, on part of me too. He let me pick a DVD to watch and I was so relaxed and comfortable that at times, the hum of the machine almost lulled me to sleep.... that is, when it wasn't hurting like hell.   www.daweitattoo.com

The Phoenix as a Symbol of Rebirth

After this purification, a phoenix egg or a young bird appears, renewing the life cycle of the bird and making the phoenix virtually immortal and invincible. The phoenix also has the ability to regenerate itself when wounded.

 

Phoenix Symbolism and Christianity

The phoenix was also adopted by the early Catholic Church as a symbol of Christ, specifically relating to His resurrection. Christians claim the inclusion of the phoenix in the Old Testament based on translations of the word “chol”. The symbol of the phoenix has been further expanded to include the concept of life after death.

To quote Elvis, whose birthday is today: "that's all right mama"!

Saving Myself

When my son graduated from high school a few years ago, I told him how proud I was of him and that I must have done something right. He respectfully corrected me by saying it was he who did things right. He had made the tough choices and decisions and it wasn't always easy doing the right thing. And so, with that simple reminder:

Saving Myself

In or out
Faith or doubt
Stay or leave
Celebrate or grieve
Speak or mute
Lies or truth
Fight or flight
Wrong or right
The choices are mine
And in the end ..... I'm saving myself.

Love Stays

Death is not a good enough reason
To stop loving someone.
The love is still there.
Maybe it's placed aside, or re-categorized
But it's still there.
You can no longer be in love with her
But you can still have love for her.
And some feelings are simply untranslatable,
No ink can ever record.
Your love gets relabeled,
Redesigned and reassigned,
But it's still there,
Buried deep, set in stone, tucked away,
But it still stays.

And clearly, as shown above in one of the many notes left for me, it works both ways.