I use the word faith a lot in my blogs. I imagine it can mean different things to different people. You don't have to belong to any church or religion to have faith. I always had faith, even when I was not part of a church. And this time now, is probably the strongest faith that I've ever experienced and it's compiled of many things. One aspect of my faith is my religious belief. I was born and raised Catholic. I respectfully removed myself from the church process most of my adult life and then later on, I just didn't have the energy or emotional stamina to hunt down a new Catholic church that would make me feel comfortable being in it, as a gay person. One day, I randomly asked Sue if she wanted to go to church? She said yes rather quickly. It seemed we both were in need of a church visit. At a friends recommendation we visited St. Mark's Episcopal church. I still identify as Catholic but Episcopalians are as close as you're gonna get to that. It was a very warm and welcoming place to .... just be. We quickly became part of St. Mark's small but diverse family. There are old people, young people, mixed race families, adopted families, gay couples, straight people and even a gay Pastor (although she has since moved out of state). Sue and I had always felt comfortable holding hands, giving a kiss for the "peace be with you" part, and publicly being a couple in church. We liked that feeling. We attended marriage courses with Rev. Canon Linda. She performed the blessing of our marriage at the beach. (We were already legally married with the state of California and we got written permission from the Bishop to have our marriage blessed by the church.) What a nice feeling it is to have your faith present and supportive at a time like that. And when Sue was going into surgery, Pastor Kate came to bless her and pray with us. Canon Linda brought her a hand made prayer shall during Sue's first hospital stay. And eventually, they performed last rites and the memorial service. When you go through events like that with someone, you become very .....bonded. You've shared your most private and personal moments with them. I continue to have the support of St. Mark's community. I appreciate knowing that they are there for me. It's that community that helps feed my faith. I also have faith in the people and love and support around me. I have faith in an Almighty power that's bigger than me. I have faith in myself. I don't know how this faith thing works, but it does. I don't know the exact chain of command or route it follows. Somehow, my faith and belief that everything is going to be fine .... makes it turn out fine. I just have faith, in faith itself. I let go and let faith take over. It works for me.
Some friends of mine bought me a rose bush in Sue's memory and I donated it to St. Mark's because it was a place that gave Sue lots of joy. (see photo above) It's planted right next to the preschool playground which is a most appropriate place. Another piece of Sue out there, enjoying the sounds of children. It's called a Firefighter Hybrid Tea Rose and it produces a dark red rose that is so aromatic, I think I can smell it from my house. Here is it's proper description: A big super-fragrant long-stemmed rich-red Hybrid Tea is the epitome of the classic rose in many people’s minds. That’s why there could be no better choice for the first sponsorship rose of the ‘Remember Me’ garden fund. Each plant sold will contribute toward the fund’s effort to honor the victims of 9-11. You’ll love the vigorous bushy plant that provides armloads of buxom blossoms. Lots of clean green leaves keep it looking good in the garden, too.
