Sometimes, the person giving the gift gets more out of the exchange than the recipient.....not this time.
This gift was given to me by someone I dated.....okay, the ONLY person I've dated since Sue. It was brief but powerful. Was it too soon after Sue's death? Probably. Was it a mistake? Absolutely not! You see, she came to me at a time when things were very dark. My nights were restless and filled with ugly thoughts and images of death and reminders of the sounds and smells of dying. Doubts about if I had done enough or if what I did do could have been done better, haunted and tormented me. It was brutal. And there's no way I could ever describe the kind of pain I suffered with the loss of my wife. It's a pain so deep that I thought it would grow roots and stay with me forever. But eventually, the pain broke off, bit by bit and fell away, but in it's place was a numbness. The numbness was far more scary than the pain. I feared I may never feel anything again. And if I did feel... what would I feel? Would I feel angry? Would I feel sorry for myself? Would I be bitter? Then she came to me and it was wonderful in so many ways. My nights were then filled with pleasant thoughts and images and I had reminders of soft textures and scents, hearty laughter, meaningful conversation, yummy dinners & dancing. They brought many a distraction to my mind and smile to my face. I began to FEEL again! I felt joy again! I felt warm and nervous again! I felt awkward. I felt attracted and yes, even attractive again! Like a spell had been lifted, I was feeling again. This was a huge gift! It gave me hope. It was the light at the end of my dark tunnel. It was re-assurance that I could fall in love again ..... someday. How do you thank someone for that?
