Recovery

I know someone who's position in the family was not validated and when she lost her fiance', his family came in and took everything that belonged to him, leaving her with absolutely nothing. I felt so bad for her. I'm so very thankful that Sue's family was the exact opposite of that. My position and title of "wife" was validated by them and it mattered. I mattered. We worked very well together even with the most difficult decisions. We have shared events so powerful that they will keep us bonded forever. One thing I have learned from the grieving process is the importance of  adhering to my needs, on my time line, no one else's. For example, I decided, when it felt right to me, to stop wearing my wedding ring. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was no longer married. I decided what items of remembrance I would keep out or put away. Don't let anyone make those decisions for you.  It has to be the way you want it and when it feels right to you. In the beginning, I had lots and lots of photos and mementos around the house. It's what I needed at the time. Gradually, I was able to decrease those objects and now I feel comfortable with just a few choice pieces. I was given a book by a friend, that I used as a guide only, titled "Finding Your Way after Your Spouse Dies" by Marta Felber.  She combines her professional counseling and her own experience with loss as a resource for others.  Yes, I read the book! Now, for those of you that know how much I dislike reading, we will pause just long enough for you to regain consciousness. Okay.... is everyone upright again? Good. I also read the collection of poems by Mary Oliver in her book titled "Thirst".  Her poems share her pain and process of losing her partner of 40 years.  I'm glad to have learned that the mourning process was temporary. I'm also glad to have learned that the grieving process was temporary. I believe that I am now in recovery. I am on my way back and with most cases of recovery, I have to take it one day at a time. My days are mostly easy now, but there are some days that are still hard to get through. That's just the way it goes.... recovery.